[In a way he's glad he got her answering machine; this would probably harder to say otherwise]
Satori...how are you? [He nearly fumbled the pleasantry] I'm sorry we couldn't see more of each other; work has kept us both busy, I expect.
Anyway, listen I...there's something I need to tell you.
[Deep breath]
You'll die.
I mean, not in the ultimate sense. Everyone's mortality rate is 100%, given enough time, and not to be morbid--
Er, what I mean is...that subarchway. Old Hell. You musn't stay there; it'll kill you far sooner than nature would. I doubt I need to tell you of the unreality of subarchways. They've taken many. Takato, whom you may not know, opened one. He's dead. Azalea's dead too. And no one ever said anything to them; I wish I had, so I'm doing that now.
So...please don't live there anymore. If things are really grim, I can work on finishing that half-done log cabin I started. Shouldn't be too hard.
But even living hand-to-mouth in the wilderness would be better than rotting in there.
Whatever I can do to make it easier, you need only say. I'll do all I can.
I...I love you, Satori. And...I don't want to miss you. I don't want to see your name on the Memorial, like so many others. Heh, that sounds like a threat, doesn't it? It's...rather more a plea.
After some time, Satori had something to say in response. Ted's rambling explanation didn't quite annoy her, but she still felt that something was wrong about what was being said.
"It's been some time since we've sat down for a serious talk, Ted. Albeit asynchronously. I've given some thought to your talk of archways being certain doom."
Namely that she'd dwelt in her comfortable home this long and hadn't vanished, yet. She tents her fingers a little as she watches the camera, shaking her head gently.
"If I may give you some comfort, I don't intend to die. Especially not when so many others depend on me. But Chireiden is my home and my sister's home. My pets also greatly depend on me and I would loathe to leave all of them."
If only she was speaking to him in person, maybe he'd understand. She'd had to arrange things, soon enough.
"From my experience and in my opinion, it isn't the archways that are removing people from the world and 'killing' them. It's the world, itself. And..."
She paused for a moment, looking distressed.
"...My only proof comes from two others who were close to me. Neither, to my knowledge, lived in a subarchway of their own. Utsuho, who is my pet and practically family to my sister and I, and young Luke Triton, who vanished without a trace one day and left the pair of us perplexed grief for a fair while. Perhaps it has something to do with how we arrive to this place, but its connection with how others exit it must have some correlation."
Another pause. A sigh. Her third eye blinked passively.
"I'm of the belief that a being much like your 'God' sees fit to call and dismiss us as it wills. But rest assured: even a monster like myself is safe from the most zealous attempts extinguish me."
A faint smile.
"I always love a good debate. Consider this an invitation to confirm that I'm alive and well. And if you disagree, I'm willing to settle any dispute you'd care to field. If you're especially contrarian, I welcome you to prove me wrong. Do as you like, I'll visit you at the location of your choice if you have time to reply. We've some catching up to do."
Before the feed shuts off, she does an about-face as her third eye stares back into the camera.
[Ted's optimism had been worn down the longer he lived in the real world, or Genessia. This wasn't the response he wanted, but he had come to expect it. Whatever she said, her refusal means to him, ultimately, an intention towards death. Worst of all, he couldn't see any way out. An argument? But that could only work on those who cared for truth. If anything, it's a spell that must be broken, if he only knew how. But he doesn't; he's reduced to waiting on miracles.
All that remained to him, in the realm of action, was a farewell. He didn't want to; he loved talking with her, and would love to do so again. But what would be the use, given death? At the very least...if she died tomorrow, he might say pleasantries. He spoke with tender sorrow]
"I've liked what we had, Satori. Our times were few, but good. Thank you for all you've given me. Farewell."
[Even then, what felt like "good-bye" he would not say. It was a very faint scrap of hope, but he held on to it all the more dearly for that.]
"Satori, what if I gave you something? A trade or exchange or bargain? Would you leave Old Hell then?"
[Yes, Ted's desperate. He's tried explaining and praying and neither seemed to be working. But this is something he hasn't tried before; always The Fool's favorite tactic. Maybe, just maybe...]
"You truly can't seem to give in, though, can you? And here, I thought you were resigned to tearfully watch me vanish from this world, Ted. Colour me unsurprised that you'd try and appeal to my avarice rather than my emotions or logic. Even a human that I respect and admire, such as yourself, might have trouble bargaining with me. I'm many centuries your senior, Ted, and I've seen one too many bargains end with no one getting anything they wanted out of it."
Satori shrugged a little. She didn't seem too convinced, but still. She felt for this human, if even a little.
"Since my sister and I claimed Chireiden as our own, it has been a place full of memories, both good and ill. And when one lives somewhere for so long, one can't help but have some kind of attachment to these old halls, these stone steps, these tiled floors."
Even if his conclusions were likely to be wrong, Satori admired such tenacity, too.
"If you're willing to make a more convincing case, perhaps I'll think about your offer. We can talk more in person."
Hello, Satori. Did Koishi show you the birthday book I gave, yet? Have you read it? I'm extremely interested in what you two thought of it, particularly the ending.
Ah, Ted. As a matter of fact, I found it quite interesting. With so bittersweet an ending, the author must have been a person quite akin to me. And the poor thing, searching for love, receives it from the unlikeliest of places: Heaven itself.
Fairy tales often do have truth in them, don't you think? That the unattainable might be attained, or might be just out of reach? Or that even someone that isn't human is worthy beyond being a mystery to man.
"Aheh, I can always count on you to say such silly things. What parallels
there are between a Danish writer and a youkai must be very subtle. You
really think love from Heaven unlikely? I hold the opposite view: the
extraordinary thing is that it comes from anywhere else."
[He sounds more rapt]
"Yes; the fairy tales speak sweet sooth."
[But now the deeper reason he asked]
"Tell me, Satori, have you ever felt like that? Like the titular mermaid
did, I mean."
"Being a creature of myth and fancy, myself, I assure you that even my bitter rantings, while not beautiful to hear, are just as bittersweet as this 'Andersen's' tales." Satori chuckles to herself a little as she says this, a little amused with her own ideas for a moment. "While you may not enjoy everything I say, we aren't entirely incompatible, you and I. At least, not intellectually. Humans, as odd as they are, strive endlessly to attain more than they have. And even we youkai, in our attempts to understand humanity, have found there is as much about humans that remains a mystery. And while we might learn everything about humanity, as youkai, there must be some part of us that remains impossible to understand."
A shrug of the shoulders. Even she didn't quite know the answer to this one, but said as much as she ought to say.
"Don't mistake my statement of fact for dislike of disdain. I'm merely saying that, while you may know and care for me, there will always be part of me that you will likely never know. Then again, isn't that also true of humans? Knowing all is the domain of the divine, not man. And you, as pious as you are, are not quite your God's intercessor. Nevertheless...I can't deny that your God quite is an interesting one, for offering succour to one not born of mankind. Our Gods, unfortunately, are prone to unusual tempers and flights of fancy."
An as for Ted's question about the Mermaid and how apt it applied to her, Satori stayed a little silent, taking some time to think about exactly what she would - and wouldn't - say.
"Yearning for love and recognition by others, you mean? Or despairing at being betrayed by those I thought to be good? I won't lie to you, I have felt both many a time. All who live desire to be loved, so everyone claims. And yet, none are eager to offer such things. It's far more likely that people will lie and speak ill of others rather than treat them with anything so simple as respect or friendship. Perhaps I won't fade into seafoam or be scattered to the four winds. My time-"
And then something green collided with Satori, nearly making her drop the phone. Koishi must have been lurking nearby for awhile as she was apt to do from time to time. "Don't be silly Sis! You're a mountain monster. Of course you would never become seafoam. Perhaps scattered to the winds, but isn't it more likely that our power would return to rocks and rivers and snow of the mountains if we were to fade?"
Her third eye drifted up, nudging Satori's, the younger sister nuzzling the older's cheek. "And please don't feel sad or alone. You know I'll always love you. Even without proper emotion you're my big sis and the most important person ever. Even when you can't see me and I forget my name." And then Satori got another, gentler squeeze.
"... Oh! You're talking to Mister Spades! Hello Mister Spades!"
Satori found herself knocked over, the rambunctious Koiball having landed onto her! She struggled a little to sit up and get into a more dignified posture as she mumbled... "...Koishi, how long have you been standing there?" She couldn't avoid the nuzzling, though!
"You're my one and only sister, and I don't feel ashamed in admitting how much I care about you." Recovering her poise for the moment, as she ought to do, she speaks to her and Ted equally as she notices her sister had finally realized she was on call. "I suppose we'd return to the mountains of our homeland, though. You do have a point..." She returns the squeeze as she continues. "But as I was saying, Ted, my time here has taught me many things. The merits of opening oneself to others, of trusting in others and sharing it in return. The list goes on."
And then, her tone changes at a frightening pace as she uses her tender declaration of finding friendship immediately in a parry against Ted. Business as usual. "...But if I may draw back a point of contention, Ted, I'm still not very fond of that troublesome mental shielding you have around you. As ironic and hypocritical as that might sound, I find it rather difficult to work in the constraints of human social cues by merely...watching and guessing." She shakes her head. "We youkai may look or play the part, of course, but my particular species' power still remains a double-edged sword."
Satori looks visibly annoyed as she clenches her fingers into the side of her chair. "What I'm trying to say is that I have a difficult time enough communicating with you when shielded, let alone when your idiosyncrasies prevent you from communicating with me in-person enough to start learning your blasted quirks."
[Ted wondered whether he couldn't listen to Satori speak forever. Her voice is pleasant, even if the subject is her reliable favorite: herself. Granted, he did prod her in that direction, so he bears his share of the blame. It was simply funny to find, perhaps, the one person in the world who talks more than he does.
"Bittersweet" is an apt description for her talk. He enjoys it both in general and in certain particulars: Her interest in God, her compliments for his piety, signs of personal growth for a centuries-old creature, and even her backhanded interest in getting to know him better.
What a shame the "bitter" would overcast all that. He didn't like her remark about being essentially unknowable. He especially disliked hearing them talk so casually about their ephemeral natures. Did they take their mortality so lightly?
And yet, even in Satori's vices Ted finds enjoyment. He wondered if that was what being in love was like; where you find even the beloved's flaws charming. Either way, romantic love did provide a goldmine of comedy.]
"Haha, you wish to see me revealed better in both body and mind? For my part I should like to see you in a better home. Say, why don't we get married? That would comfortably satisfy both desires. After all, I've walked you down the aisle once before. I've shown you a church's general use. Why not its particular?"
[A dumb joke to take the edge off what he really wanted to know.]
"But, ah, what I really meant was...do you--both of you--wish to have an immortal soul? That is, to take part in the future happiness of mankind?"
[he rushed out the last of that. Don't have to be a mind reader to tell that their answer is very important to him.]
Koishi squeezed Satori's shoulder gently before she could reply, floating up a little, her face softening. "Mister spades. You know we talked about this. Youkai are products of human fears and ignorance made manifest. Our purpose is enmity. Just because sis and I have overcome the pit that is our baser nature does not mean that we're any less monstrous than before. Paradise has no place for creatures that exist to hurt and punish humankind. Though, at the same time, I suppose this means that we do serve a part in your salvation. So that's good."
She drifted forward a little, looking thoughtful. "And paradise isn't something we would be against, but it's not attainable for us. Because a soul is something we can't have. For youkai like us that are immaterial and manifest on their own, our bodies are our souls and our souls are our bodies. Some youkai have souls, like magicians, but youkai like sis and I cannot. To be given a soul wouldn't just kill us. It would obliterate us. There wouldn't even be lingering aspects to allow us to reconstitute. And if it didn't kill us the soul would simply overwrite us and the soul would become a youkai and then exist in the same in-between state that we exist in now."
"... Not that this couldn't change. Youkai are shaped by human perception. Perhaps if you change how others view us then we would grow more defined. But satori are a very old species. And changing that is near impossible. So perhaps it would be easier to issue a plea then. When humanity achieves omniscience and the youkai start fading away, perhaps you can plea with your god to reshape us into something that can live in this paradise. But that's a ways off. And for us to hope for something like that would be a show of arrogance on our part. After all, why would someone plea for the salvation of a demon or monster?"
"And, if I'm to be honest, I'm not sure you would be suited to deliver this plea either. You're sweet for showing us kindness but you're oblivious and you don't seek any measure of understanding. Therefore we could never trust you to ask something like that for us. Not selflessly, anyway, though I can't give you too much grief for simply being human. True selflessness doesn't exist. Or, rather, I've never seen it. Even the 'gift' of a book you gave me was only to slake your own curiosity and so you could feel justified to make a judgement." Despite her harsh words, her tone remained calm and stern.
"You beg my sister to leave where she is most comfortable but you do it at such a distance with a heart closed more tightly than even mine. And I don't just mean that psychic wall. The look on your face and your tone of voice mean nothing to us. I believe your plea is earnest but how can anyone be sure without seeing your heart and without seeing you have the courage to approach the thing you see as your enemy while being open to understanding and inquisitive as to why another might view it as a sanctuary."
Her third eye was hovering nearby, open and trembling, the white surface as bright as the full moon, the corners split and bleeding with the effort. It was the first time in a very long time she had been this lucid. "And you asked me in the past to give you advice and lead you through darkness. This is an aspect you placed upon me and I embraced it. An extension of my desire to meet lost travelers. But you've entirely stopped taking my words and efforts into consideration entirely."
"I wouldn't normally speak so harshly to anyone, but understand this comes from a place of love. Not hate. And if I sugar coat this you'll brush me off like an insect on your sleeve and because its something you need to hear. If you want us to have more faith in you perhaps you should show us some trust. And show us you have your strength invested in your humanity and your faith."
Satori's face hardened at Koishi's explanation. She'd have said so herself if her sister hadn't got to it first. Though perhaps she'd be far less blunt. "All of what my sister states is, regrettably for you, entirely true. That said, we do not think any less of you for such thoughts of 'saving' us."
Satori, however, looked like she had much more to say on the matter. "...Your desire to 'fix' us is admirable, but we do not need much fixing or alteration. Merely interacting with you even in such a capacity is enough to change us but slightly. Such a drastic change as you suggest would be like attempting to 'fix' my sister." She paused for a moment and added, looking away... "That said, Chireiden, my pets, my way of life...it is a thing built over centuries of habit, and yet it is more than that. Perhaps you'd understand it better if I explained it entirely." She nodded faintly as she continued.
"In most ways, Koishi and I are parallel to eachother. Even more so when she sought to injure herself to spare her mind from hatred. But when we lose something dear to us, much like you humans, we grieve and rationalize. We attempt to make sense of things. For you, it may be the loss of friends and family. For me, it was the sight of blood, the smeared mess on the kitchen floor, the near-lifeless body of my sister, collapsed.the near-lifeless body of my sister, collapsed. The memory which I know you experienced not long ago. Even with my centuries-old memory,I can recall every detail. And for Koishi, it was her 'last' proper memory before she became what she is, now. That is why, as Koishi states, I can't leave this place." Her voice, slowly but surely, changed tone. She wavered a little as she explained further. "...Without Chireiden, my sister would have one less anchor with which to cling. She might even be lost forever, unable to find a familiar place to call 'home'."
Satori lifts her arms, as if to indicate her surroundings... "This place, these walls, these rooms and floors. All of this is a colossal beacon within the fractured mind of my sister. She's safer here, and I refuse to leave and deny her a home."
"...You have to want it. I can't want it for you. God, if only I could, things would be different. I...I don't-"
[He has so little idea what to do with either of them. What would be their good? The Bible and holy writ only spoke of men, didn't they? The fairy tales didn't mention Youkai. Not the decent ones, anyway. Did they need a soul? He supposed so; it's good to be immortal. Well, not for its own sake. Without God it doesn't much matter; immortality might be a torment without him.
But could they even receive a soul? Is that a question he can even answer? It's probably beyond his ken. Koishi said it would kill them, as youkai. But then, did he really believe her about Youkai? Supposedly they can only exist so long as a certain, superstitious thought persists. But that's wrong, isn't it? No one had those thoughts now, certainly. Yes, they must be wrong about themselves.
It wouldn't be the first time Koishi was mistaken. She told him his pokemon loved him. But that was a lie--or rather, a mistake. He'd later discover that they felt nothing. Nothing at all. So Koishi's insights should be taken with a grain of salt.
But suppose she wasn't wrong? She'd said he could make no significant alterations. If that's the case, he should give up now. No use struggling in vain. If they can't change, and change completely, they're as good as dead anyway whatever he does. Indeed, indulging in vanity again would destroy him, utterly and completely.
But he wants them. He wants Moon and Strength back. They're his, in some indescribable way he can't articulate. But do they even want themselves? They don't appear to. They seem happy to rot and die like they've been doing; content to disappear in that awful home, weakly justified as some place of safety. Sure. Safe and dead. What could provide more security than the grave?
Really, does he want them after all? "Shaped by perception", "real as he wants them to be". But that's precisely what he doesn't want. Dependent reality. He wants the things that exist whether he's around for them or not. Nothing less would serve.
Koishi would return. She'd died and returned, so why her doubting sister? Ted has the life of a vagabond, always moving, and she always manages to find him, sooner or later. No, Satori must be wrong too. Koishi wouldn't just disappear like that.
Fine. They're all wrong. They must be, if they've lived 400 years and never been to a proper church. He knew more about eternity than they did. But not enough; not enough to know any of the answers he wants. Not enough to know whether it's even worth trying; might it be a negligent waste of time, trying to rescue a creature who didn't even have a soul to save? What was the point of it all?
These dozens of contradicting thoughts, all flashing by in the space of fifteen seconds or so, gave Ted a very pained expression. All his thinking was going nowhere; he knew it and it frustrated him severely. The clamor of his thoughts resulted in a hushed, gentle tone of desperate confusion.]
"...I don't know what to do."
[Simple and honest as always. But he just couldn't leave it at that.]
"But...I'll think of something. I just need some more time. In the meantime, erm...good evening."
[If it was evening. He hardly had the mental clarity to tell the time. His head was too tangled to make sense of such details. He hung up; had to think. At least, had to get away before he muddles his mind any further.]
For Posterity~ (i.e. copy-paste)
Satori...how are you? [He nearly fumbled the pleasantry] I'm sorry we couldn't see more of each other; work has kept us both busy, I expect.
Anyway, listen I...there's something I need to tell you.
[Deep breath]
You'll die.
I mean, not in the ultimate sense. Everyone's mortality rate is 100%, given enough time, and not to be morbid--
Er, what I mean is...that subarchway. Old Hell. You musn't stay there; it'll kill you far sooner than nature would. I doubt I need to tell you of the unreality of subarchways. They've taken many. Takato, whom you may not know, opened one. He's dead. Azalea's dead too. And no one ever said anything to them; I wish I had, so I'm doing that now.
So...please don't live there anymore. If things are really grim, I can work on finishing that half-done log cabin I started. Shouldn't be too hard.
But even living hand-to-mouth in the wilderness would be better than rotting in there.
Whatever I can do to make it easier, you need only say. I'll do all I can.
I...I love you, Satori. And...I don't want to miss you. I don't want to see your name on the Memorial, like so many others. Heh, that sounds like a threat, doesn't it? It's...rather more a plea.
...go under the Mercy.
Re: For Posterity~ (i.e. copy-paste)
"It's been some time since we've sat down for a serious talk, Ted. Albeit asynchronously. I've given some thought to your talk of archways being certain doom."
Namely that she'd dwelt in her comfortable home this long and hadn't vanished, yet. She tents her fingers a little as she watches the camera, shaking her head gently.
"If I may give you some comfort, I don't intend to die. Especially not when so many others depend on me. But Chireiden is my home and my sister's home. My pets also greatly depend on me and I would loathe to leave all of them."
If only she was speaking to him in person, maybe he'd understand. She'd had to arrange things, soon enough.
"From my experience and in my opinion, it isn't the archways that are removing people from the world and 'killing' them. It's the world, itself. And..."
She paused for a moment, looking distressed.
"...My only proof comes from two others who were close to me. Neither, to my knowledge, lived in a subarchway of their own. Utsuho, who is my pet and practically family to my sister and I, and young Luke Triton, who vanished without a trace one day and left the pair of us perplexed grief for a fair while. Perhaps it has something to do with how we arrive to this place, but its connection with how others exit it must have some correlation."
Another pause. A sigh. Her third eye blinked passively.
"I'm of the belief that a being much like your 'God' sees fit to call and dismiss us as it wills. But rest assured: even a monster like myself is safe from the most zealous attempts extinguish me."
A faint smile.
"I always love a good debate. Consider this an invitation to confirm that I'm alive and well. And if you disagree, I'm willing to settle any dispute you'd care to field. If you're especially contrarian, I welcome you to prove me wrong. Do as you like, I'll visit you at the location of your choice if you have time to reply. We've some catching up to do."
Before the feed shuts off, she does an about-face as her third eye stares back into the camera.
"Quite a thorny rose, aren't I?"
no subject
All that remained to him, in the realm of action, was a farewell. He didn't want to; he loved talking with her, and would love to do so again. But what would be the use, given death? At the very least...if she died tomorrow, he might say pleasantries. He spoke with tender sorrow]
"I've liked what we had, Satori. Our times were few, but good. Thank you for all you've given me. Farewell."
[Even then, what felt like "good-bye" he would not say. It was a very faint scrap of hope, but he held on to it all the more dearly for that.]
(tries again)
[Yes, Ted's desperate. He's tried explaining and praying and neither seemed to be working. But this is something he hasn't tried before; always The Fool's favorite tactic. Maybe, just maybe...]
Re: (tries again)
Satori shrugged a little. She didn't seem too convinced, but still. She felt for this human, if even a little.
"Since my sister and I claimed Chireiden as our own, it has been a place full of memories, both good and ill. And when one lives somewhere for so long, one can't help but have some kind of attachment to these old halls, these stone steps, these tiled floors."
Even if his conclusions were likely to be wrong, Satori admired such tenacity, too.
"If you're willing to make a more convincing case, perhaps I'll think about your offer. We can talk more in person."
Text - Kamui event
The Little Mermaid
Re: The Little Mermaid
Fairy tales often do have truth in them, don't you think? That the unattainable might be attained, or might be just out of reach? Or that even someone that isn't human is worthy beyond being a mystery to man.
Re: The Little Mermaid
"Aheh, I can always count on you to say such silly things. What parallels there are between a Danish writer and a youkai must be very subtle. You really think love from Heaven unlikely? I hold the opposite view: the extraordinary thing is that it comes from anywhere else."
[He sounds more rapt]
"Yes; the fairy tales speak sweet sooth."
[But now the deeper reason he asked]
"Tell me, Satori, have you ever felt like that? Like the titular mermaid did, I mean."
Re: The Little Mermaid
A shrug of the shoulders. Even she didn't quite know the answer to this one, but said as much as she ought to say.
"Don't mistake my statement of fact for dislike of disdain. I'm merely saying that, while you may know and care for me, there will always be part of me that you will likely never know. Then again, isn't that also true of humans? Knowing all is the domain of the divine, not man. And you, as pious as you are, are not quite your God's intercessor. Nevertheless...I can't deny that your God quite is an interesting one, for offering succour to one not born of mankind. Our Gods, unfortunately, are prone to unusual tempers and flights of fancy."
An as for Ted's question about the Mermaid and how apt it applied to her, Satori stayed a little silent, taking some time to think about exactly what she would - and wouldn't - say.
"Yearning for love and recognition by others, you mean? Or despairing at being betrayed by those I thought to be good? I won't lie to you, I have felt both many a time. All who live desire to be loved, so everyone claims. And yet, none are eager to offer such things. It's far more likely that people will lie and speak ill of others rather than treat them with anything so simple as respect or friendship. Perhaps I won't fade into seafoam or be scattered to the four winds. My time-"
Koishi Hijack LOL
Her third eye drifted up, nudging Satori's, the younger sister nuzzling the older's cheek. "And please don't feel sad or alone. You know I'll always love you. Even without proper emotion you're my big sis and the most important person ever. Even when you can't see me and I forget my name." And then Satori got another, gentler squeeze.
"... Oh! You're talking to Mister Spades! Hello Mister Spades!"
Re: The Little Mermaid
"You're my one and only sister, and I don't feel ashamed in admitting how much I care about you." Recovering her poise for the moment, as she ought to do, she speaks to her and Ted equally as she notices her sister had finally realized she was on call. "I suppose we'd return to the mountains of our homeland, though. You do have a point..." She returns the squeeze as she continues. "But as I was saying, Ted, my time here has taught me many things. The merits of opening oneself to others, of trusting in others and sharing it in return. The list goes on."
And then, her tone changes at a frightening pace as she uses her tender declaration of finding friendship immediately in a parry against Ted. Business as usual. "...But if I may draw back a point of contention, Ted, I'm still not very fond of that troublesome mental shielding you have around you. As ironic and hypocritical as that might sound, I find it rather difficult to work in the constraints of human social cues by merely...watching and guessing." She shakes her head. "We youkai may look or play the part, of course, but my particular species' power still remains a double-edged sword."
Satori looks visibly annoyed as she clenches her fingers into the side of her chair. "What I'm trying to say is that I have a difficult time enough communicating with you when shielded, let alone when your idiosyncrasies prevent you from communicating with me in-person enough to start learning your blasted quirks."
Re: The Little Mermaid
[Ted wondered whether he couldn't listen to Satori speak forever. Her voice is pleasant, even if the subject is her reliable favorite: herself. Granted, he did prod her in that direction, so he bears his share of the blame. It was simply funny to find, perhaps, the one person in the world who talks more than he does.
"Bittersweet" is an apt description for her talk. He enjoys it both in general and in certain particulars: Her interest in God, her compliments for his piety, signs of personal growth for a centuries-old creature, and even her backhanded interest in getting to know him better.
What a shame the "bitter" would overcast all that. He didn't like her remark about being essentially unknowable. He especially disliked hearing them talk so casually about their ephemeral natures. Did they take their mortality so lightly?
And yet, even in Satori's vices Ted finds enjoyment. He wondered if that was what being in love was like; where you find even the beloved's flaws charming. Either way, romantic love did provide a goldmine of comedy.]
"Haha, you wish to see me revealed better in both body and mind? For my part I should like to see you in a better home. Say, why don't we get married? That would comfortably satisfy both desires. After all, I've walked you down the aisle once before. I've shown you a church's general use. Why not its particular?"
[A dumb joke to take the edge off what he really wanted to know.]
"But, ah, what I really meant was...do you--both of you--wish to have an immortal soul? That is, to take part in the future happiness of mankind?"
[he rushed out the last of that. Don't have to be a mind reader to tell that their answer is very important to him.]
no subject
She drifted forward a little, looking thoughtful. "And paradise isn't something we would be against, but it's not attainable for us. Because a soul is something we can't have. For youkai like us that are immaterial and manifest on their own, our bodies are our souls and our souls are our bodies. Some youkai have souls, like magicians, but youkai like sis and I cannot. To be given a soul wouldn't just kill us. It would obliterate us. There wouldn't even be lingering aspects to allow us to reconstitute. And if it didn't kill us the soul would simply overwrite us and the soul would become a youkai and then exist in the same in-between state that we exist in now."
"... Not that this couldn't change. Youkai are shaped by human perception. Perhaps if you change how others view us then we would grow more defined. But satori are a very old species. And changing that is near impossible. So perhaps it would be easier to issue a plea then. When humanity achieves omniscience and the youkai start fading away, perhaps you can plea with your god to reshape us into something that can live in this paradise. But that's a ways off. And for us to hope for something like that would be a show of arrogance on our part. After all, why would someone plea for the salvation of a demon or monster?"
"And, if I'm to be honest, I'm not sure you would be suited to deliver this plea either. You're sweet for showing us kindness but you're oblivious and you don't seek any measure of understanding. Therefore we could never trust you to ask something like that for us. Not selflessly, anyway, though I can't give you too much grief for simply being human. True selflessness doesn't exist. Or, rather, I've never seen it. Even the 'gift' of a book you gave me was only to slake your own curiosity and so you could feel justified to make a judgement." Despite her harsh words, her tone remained calm and stern.
"You beg my sister to leave where she is most comfortable but you do it at such a distance with a heart closed more tightly than even mine. And I don't just mean that psychic wall. The look on your face and your tone of voice mean nothing to us. I believe your plea is earnest but how can anyone be sure without seeing your heart and without seeing you have the courage to approach the thing you see as your enemy while being open to understanding and inquisitive as to why another might view it as a sanctuary."
Her third eye was hovering nearby, open and trembling, the white surface as bright as the full moon, the corners split and bleeding with the effort. It was the first time in a very long time she had been this lucid. "And you asked me in the past to give you advice and lead you through darkness. This is an aspect you placed upon me and I embraced it. An extension of my desire to meet lost travelers. But you've entirely stopped taking my words and efforts into consideration entirely."
"I wouldn't normally speak so harshly to anyone, but understand this comes from a place of love. Not hate. And if I sugar coat this you'll brush me off like an insect on your sleeve and because its something you need to hear. If you want us to have more faith in you perhaps you should show us some trust. And show us you have your strength invested in your humanity and your faith."
Re: The Little Mermaid
Satori, however, looked like she had much more to say on the matter. "...Your desire to 'fix' us is admirable, but we do not need much fixing or alteration. Merely interacting with you even in such a capacity is enough to change us but slightly. Such a drastic change as you suggest would be like attempting to 'fix' my sister." She paused for a moment and added, looking away... "That said, Chireiden, my pets, my way of life...it is a thing built over centuries of habit, and yet it is more than that. Perhaps you'd understand it better if I explained it entirely." She nodded faintly as she continued.
"In most ways, Koishi and I are parallel to eachother. Even more so when she sought to injure herself to spare her mind from hatred. But when we lose something dear to us, much like you humans, we grieve and rationalize. We attempt to make sense of things. For you, it may be the loss of friends and family. For me, it was the sight of blood, the smeared mess on the kitchen floor, the near-lifeless body of my sister, collapsed.the near-lifeless body of my sister, collapsed. The memory which I know you experienced not long ago. Even with my centuries-old memory,I can recall every detail. And for Koishi, it was her 'last' proper memory before she became what she is, now. That is why, as Koishi states, I can't leave this place." Her voice, slowly but surely, changed tone. She wavered a little as she explained further. "...Without Chireiden, my sister would have one less anchor with which to cling. She might even be lost forever, unable to find a familiar place to call 'home'."
Satori lifts her arms, as if to indicate her surroundings... "This place, these walls, these rooms and floors. All of this is a colossal beacon within the fractured mind of my sister. She's safer here, and I refuse to leave and deny her a home."
Re: The Little Mermaid
"...You have to want it. I can't want it for you. God, if only I could, things would be different. I...I don't-"
[He has so little idea what to do with either of them. What would be their good? The Bible and holy writ only spoke of men, didn't they? The fairy tales didn't mention Youkai. Not the decent ones, anyway. Did they need a soul? He supposed so; it's good to be immortal. Well, not for its own sake. Without God it doesn't much matter; immortality might be a torment without him.
But could they even receive a soul? Is that a question he can even answer? It's probably beyond his ken. Koishi said it would kill them, as youkai. But then, did he really believe her about Youkai? Supposedly they can only exist so long as a certain, superstitious thought persists. But that's wrong, isn't it? No one had those thoughts now, certainly. Yes, they must be wrong about themselves.
It wouldn't be the first time Koishi was mistaken. She told him his pokemon loved him. But that was a lie--or rather, a mistake. He'd later discover that they felt nothing. Nothing at all. So Koishi's insights should be taken with a grain of salt.
But suppose she wasn't wrong? She'd said he could make no significant alterations. If that's the case, he should give up now. No use struggling in vain. If they can't change, and change completely, they're as good as dead anyway whatever he does. Indeed, indulging in vanity again would destroy him, utterly and completely.
But he wants them. He wants Moon and Strength back. They're his, in some indescribable way he can't articulate. But do they even want themselves? They don't appear to. They seem happy to rot and die like they've been doing; content to disappear in that awful home, weakly justified as some place of safety. Sure. Safe and dead. What could provide more security than the grave?
Really, does he want them after all? "Shaped by perception", "real as he wants them to be". But that's precisely what he doesn't want. Dependent reality. He wants the things that exist whether he's around for them or not. Nothing less would serve.
Koishi would return. She'd died and returned, so why her doubting sister? Ted has the life of a vagabond, always moving, and she always manages to find him, sooner or later. No, Satori must be wrong too. Koishi wouldn't just disappear like that.
Fine. They're all wrong. They must be, if they've lived 400 years and never been to a proper church. He knew more about eternity than they did. But not enough; not enough to know any of the answers he wants. Not enough to know whether it's even worth trying; might it be a negligent waste of time, trying to rescue a creature who didn't even have a soul to save? What was the point of it all?
These dozens of contradicting thoughts, all flashing by in the space of fifteen seconds or so, gave Ted a very pained expression. All his thinking was going nowhere; he knew it and it frustrated him severely. The clamor of his thoughts resulted in a hushed, gentle tone of desperate confusion.]
"...I don't know what to do."
[Simple and honest as always. But he just couldn't leave it at that.]
"But...I'll think of something. I just need some more time. In the meantime, erm...good evening."
[If it was evening. He hardly had the mental clarity to tell the time. His head was too tangled to make sense of such details. He hung up; had to think. At least, had to get away before he muddles his mind any further.]